Hoping For a Trigger

     Something quite obvious occurred to me the other night, while watching a program on UFOs. There are so many UFO shows on television and You Tube, etc. that it’s hard to remember what it was that I was watching. It was on television. No matter. The thing is, I was watching, yet again, another UFO program and I wondered why, after all these years, do I still watch any program that has to do with UFOs, and to a slightly lesser degree, any show that has to do with Bigfoot, ghosts, the paranormal, etc.?

     I haven’t learned anything. Not true; I’ve learned the facts of various cases. Barney and Betty Hill, Kecksburg, Travis Walton. . .

     I’ve learned about triangles and the Phoenix Lights and orbs. All kinds of orbs. Orange orbs. Ah, so that’s it. 

     I watch these shows hoping for a trigger. That by watching UFO programs -- especially ones to do with orbs, orange orbs -- something within my subconscious will shift, and I’ll remember. I’ll remember what happened during the missing time my husband and I experienced during the sighting. I’ll learn just what the orange orb was. I’ll discover why. Why it was there, why I experienced all the strange things in its aftermath. I’ll understand the connection between the orange orb encounter and all the encounters preceding it. Since childhood, I will finally know.

     So far, no such luck. Tried hypnosis, which turned out to be a waste of money. I expected a deep dive into a dramatic uncovering of memory. Instead, it was a gentle fun but empty guided sort of meditation. (“You are walking down a hall and see a painting. What is in the painting?”) Bleh. 

     I’m trying a remote viewing kind of thing. I have my husband involved, though he doesn’t know what it’s about. Just a target number I gave him. So far, nothing. 

     I draw and paint and try to work out through my art if something will suddenly erupt in a big There It Is! moment.

      I continue to watch to see if there are other witnesses who have had similar encounters. There are lots of sightings of small orange orbs far off in the sky. Footage exists all over the place of those kinds of orbs. Not just orange but red, green, blue, yellow. There are some cases of large orange orbs, like the one I saw, and the sense from the witness that the orb was aware, intelligent, playing with the witness. That’s what I experienced. One happened in Oregon, near the gorge, also in the nineteen eighties. Connected? 

     So far, no answers. Interesting elements, but no answer. And now that I’m in my sixties I wonder if I’ll ever find out.