Covid Nightmares

Computer manipulated oil pastel on gray paper: Covid Nightmares

 It's taken me a good long year or more to really feel the depression and anxiety surrounding Covid. 

Two years ago in March, a few days before my birthday, I came home from the elementary school where I worked as an Instructional Assistant in the Title 1 program. And I never came back. Covid had just hit, and schools were shutting down, moving on to distance learning, etc. I had planned to retire that year and had just started that process. I was to finish out my contract until June, so, I did on line teaching until then. Also, we cancelled our annual It's Regan's Birthday Bash on the Oregon Coast in Yachats. Every year, forever, we went to the coastal town of Yachats to celebrate my birthday. Not that year. 

It was crazy, frustrating, and very strange. Laptops loaned to me from the district didn't work, learning the brand new systems was definitely a challenge, taking on line courses to justify my salary were boring and hard, and, seemed pointless since I was retiring. But I got through it.  (The challenges for certified teachers and the little kids were much harder.)

I don't mind wearing masks, I was vaccinated and got my booster. I wash my hands, take zinc and other supplements. The first year was okay. The second year, a bit harder. I miss visiting with friends. 

And lately, I realize it's really hit hard. I still mind the whole mask thing, but the paranoia has seeped into my subconscious. I don't feel comfortable meeting friends in public places. When I do, it's that little window in between Covid variants. One week it's safe, the next, not. Numbers of patients with Covid who are hospitalized go up, and, deaths. Medical staff shortages. Confusing data from the CDC and other organizations. Everywhere it seems a lot of people -- far too many! -- are behaving as if Covid is over, or, not so bad. Crowds at football games without masks, sitting right next to each other.

Also, as strange as it is to acknowledge, our ages no doubt have something to do with my anxieties. I'm in my late sixties, my husband in his seventies. We have all kinds of health issues (strokes, heart attacks, chronic asthma, and more...

So, hating the fact we're leery and a bit paranoid, we are, nonetheless. . . leery and paranoid.

Meanwhile, I feel guilty for not socializing, while others do without a care. I can't help but feel despair and anger at people's stupidity. And I am angry and also despair at the systems in charge, because they know what needs to be done, and it isn't getting done. It never will get done. That's what systems do. They gaslight us. They intentionally do the most blatant topsy turvy acts of absurdity.  

Covid Nightmare: "Bleh", oil pastel on gray paper, Regan Lee 2022

And now Covid has infected my dreams. I have dreams I walk into a store without a mask, and I'm horrified that I forgot. Or that others are not wearing masks, and we get into a fight. The past week, I've had two dreams where I had a bad case of Covid. I woke up very scared.

I tried to interpret the feeling those dreams gave me in this piece. But it was "blah." I manipulated the oil pastel on the computer, and was surprised at how this image gives a pretty good idea of what I'm feeling. 

Covid Nightmares. Indeed. The only thing I can say is that we need to be patient with each other and take care of ourselves. Such a simple thought, but hard to do. Especially now.

Green Man, Playground Abduction, 'I BELIEVE in Jaysus!'

 Dreams concerning aliens, ETS, the other realm, UFOs . . . some research is on-going concerning a connection between waking experiences involving these things, and the dream world. (Google and all kinds of links to interesting research and studies will pop up.)

So, last night's dream:

After school, on the playground, with another staff member or two, and a group of children, waiting for the bus and parent pick-up. Getting on dusk. Earlier in the day, I had gone to a few bookstores and came across various magazines and books about The Green Man. Met a person with an interest in Green Man and we had quite a conversation. I was thinking about all the Green Man synchronicities as I was waiting with the students. 

It's getting a bit chilly. Things feel . . . odd. Suddenly, large brilliant white lights appear in the sky above us, come down, we're all frightened and these lights are behaving as one, intelligently controlled. The lights form a circle of lights above us and scoop us up. Not only the people, but part of the playground - the black top -- as well. Just scooped out a large circle of ground with us on it and brought us into the ship.

Now we're standing on this large circle of blacktop inside a spaceship. 

We're very scared, and the ship is zooming around, just a few feet above houses. We can see outside, but the craft is cloaked. No one sees us. It's like "they" -- the aliens -- are toying with us. We are so lost! We're pretty sure we're still on earth, but, where? We don't recognize the neighborhoods. I'm afraid we're going to be dropped off in the middle of a strange area and how will we get back, how will I get the children safe?

The aliens are Reptilians. We can't see them, but we just know this. We are very aware of their presence. They're above us in the ship, watching us. Like we're a toy. A game. 

Now we're zooming off into outer space, and this time I am really terrified. But also angry. I start to pray to Jesus, which, even as I'm doing so, is ticking me off, since I am not a Christian and don't believe at all in a divine Jesus. But I'll try anything in order to save us. So I pray like crazy and promise Jesus that I'll believe if only he'll get us out of here.

Then one of the Reptilians calls down to me: "Do you really mean that?"

"Yes!!!!" I say.

"That's all we wanted to know. "

They return us to the playground. By this time parents are there, panicked, naturally. I wonder how in the world are we going to explain this but it doesn't take much, since everyone has seen the ground open up, the ship return us, etc. And one of the men on the ship goes on the news to explain how the Reptilians were showing him how part of him is Reptilian, exposing his lizard face under his real face.

The believe in Jesus part has me interested, if not also annoyed. When I was writing my Orange Orb column for UFO Magazine I wrote a column about Jesus saving me from the aliens. When I lived in my father's house in Northern California, I was having extremely intense dreams of aliens. (I also had a dream where I woke up coughing due to the strong odor of incense, heard chanting and a misty blurry priest during mass; turns out the house belonged to a Catholic priest who died in that room.) Finally, in one of the dreams, I prayed to Jesus to keep the aliens away. It worked. Which confused me. I'm not a Christian. I don't believe in that. However, I did spend eight years in Catholic school. I didn't believe any of it back then either.

Exploding Head Syndrome

 Recent Boing Boing item on Exploding Head Syndrome. Yep, I have the same thing. Long ago worried about it. Do I have a tumor? Am I psycho? What is happening? But it's "just" Exploding Head Syndrome. Bright lights, flashes, weird beeping electronic sounds. No explanation for its cause, but, not to worry, say the experts. It's harmless.

Exploding head syndrome (EHS) is an abnormal sensory perception during sleep in which a person experiences unreal noises that are loud and of short duration when falling asleep or waking up. The noise may be frightening, typically occurs only occasionally, and is not a serious health concern. People may also experience a flash of light. Pain is typically absent. Despite the name, the sufferer's head does not actually explode. [wikipedia, via Boing Boing]

That may be. Seems to be. Fine. I'm good with that. But. . .

It still is at thing. What is it, and why? And is there some connection between other sleep related phenomena, like sleep paralysis, OBEs, (out of body experiences), lucid dreaming, vivid dreams, dreaming in color, sleep walking? All of which I've experienced since childhood, and still experience.

Combine that with a long list of supernatural/paranormal/UFO/anomalous episodes, there has to be a connection here. A clue. More than meets the eye than "just" some seemingly random odd but harmless (and therefore, don't worry about it little missy) occurrence like Exploding Head Syndrome.