"They're on the Moon"

 

An amazing experience last night, being interviewed by Nancy and Bill Birnes on Future Theater. Both Jim and myself were the guests, and I cannot tell you how much we enjoyed this experience! We both felt as if we'd known Nancy and Bill for years. The discussion was very ... intense. Among the areas discussed, was family history of the UFO kind. I think it was Bill, maybe it was Nancy, who asked me if anyone in my family had shared weird experiences of their own with me. I said no.

But, and I didn't think of this at the time, I realized this morning that there is an interesting history of anomalous events, experiences and thoughts among family members. For example, while neither of my parents had encounters with aliens (that I ever heard about, and I feel confident in saying they would have shared with me if they had) my mother did see a flying saucer when I was about ten years old. I've written about that in other places. Briefly, mom's out on the porch after dinner (this in L.A.) she excitedly calls out to us that there's a "space ship" above the two story four commplex across the street, siblings say "Yeah, sure mom," but I go out. By that time the UFO had gone. My mother was very disappointed, insisting she saw what she saw. I said, "Don't worry mom, it'll be back, they always come back."

With all of my weird experiences, both my parents (my father is deceased) have been open. My mother's usual response to my experiences and ideas is that it's all very "interesting." Some things she's not so sure about; like Bigfoot's existence. But at least she's never called my sanity into question.

I forgot about something my mother has always insisted, or I would have mentioned it last night. For whatever reasons, ever since I was a little kid, my mother has said that she believes there are beings, or aliens, living on the moon. She says this with a matter of fact assurance and confidence that leaves no room for argument. Now and then, through the years, she's said somewhat random things like (paraphrasing) "There are things out there we know nothing about," "There are beings on the moon, and Mars, too..." and so on.

And speaking of beings living in the moon, I wrote a children's story when Jim and I were living on Curson in West Hollywood, where we had our first missing time episode. That story was about animal characters, pigs and rabbits, who lived inside the moon.

Other related family experiences: one of my siblings has always had a paranormal life; has clairvoyant abilities, has seen ghosts, etc. My uncle and his family saw a UFO in the desert. It was a classic sounding flying saucer in the desert story: late 1950s, huge bright white light following them, zooming above their car, then taking off, they're in the middle of nowhere. And talking about shared experiences and connections: Jim's cousin also had that experience, driving through the Arizona desert in the mid-1960s. (Jim is making it very clear as I'm writing this that this cousin was "of the skeptic kind," not a "hippie" and clearly "not smoking dope," -- he was a serious student and actually kind of a humorless kind of person.) Concerning Jim's other cousin and his family, we've all seen UFOs while together, which I've written about.

So our experiences --Jim's and mine -- go back to childhood, before we met. They've continued to this day. And in both families, UFO related events and connections have occurred.

Jim and I On Future Theater Tonight

Jim and I will be guests on Nancy and Bill Birnes podcast Future Theater tonight. 6:00pm EST. Can't wait!

Earthquake and Dream Synchronicity, or Precognition?

I wrote up a dream I had last night (posted on my blog Frame 352) about looking at property for sale in "Wyoming-Idaho," which had moved itself to my part of western Oregon. In the dream I told the man that there is no such thing as "Wyoming-Idaho," and that Wyoming is not in Oregon. Things had shifted and I didn't like it. There was also a goofy man who appeared in a grey Bigfoot suit.

I just checked the earthquake site, and see that Wyoming had a 4.8 earthquake on August 5th around 5:00 pm Pacific time.

Jim's Comment: Another Nerdy Geeky UFO Moment

My blue suited human/alien hybrid dream of the other day was cause for discussion between myself and Jim. It was Jim who pointed out the similarities of my dream to our missing time experience in L.A. years ago.

So after that, as usual, I'm looking up at the night sky. Jim is with me. I tell him, and the sky, kiddingly, that it's time for me to see a UFO; I haven't seen one in a long time and I'm waiting! Jim says, "Yeah, I've been aboard them, now I'd like to actually see one."

Blue Suited Aliens in Parking Garage

This year has found me working on consciously recovering the facts/reality of my UFO events, including missing time. I don't think hypnosis is the answer, although I find myself arguing with myself about it a lot. Meanwhile, I've been trying to remember, through meditation, dream work, and just plain demanding my suppressed memories to come forth, goddammit! and get real here. The following is a dream I had last night but before I relate the dream, here's the background:

The Event
I wrote about the missing time experience here: Missing Time Los Angeles/West Hollywood 1996 or '97 Jim and I were compelled to walk down a side street; something about a light coming from a parking garage. We both remember feeling there was something odd about it and went towards it. As I wrote in the post on Saucer Sightings, this was when all kinds of UFO related events, dreams, etc. started happening.

The Dream
I'm in a city, daytime. Jim is with me, or nearby. . . I/we get an urgent call, a telepathic "call," from a friend. Or is it Jim, who's already there? Either way, telepathic message of urgency comes to meet him/her/them at a parking garage a few blocks away.

I/we get over there fast. We're walking when this happens, so we kind of run over there. Arriving at the garage, there is no friend. In fact, there isn't anyone around. The city seems to be a ghost town. No people. Just us. And about a half dozen aliens.

The aliens are very human looking; a little weird looking, but human. Around six and half feet tall, maybe taller. Their skin is pale white, but again, they are more human looking than not. They're all wearing the same uniform, a skin tight, thin, blue jumpsuit with yellow and silver trim. I'm the only human (for they look human, and could pass for human, but I know they're not) around. Jim is off in another part of the garage, I know this telepathically.

Two or three of these beings grab me, which is ridiculous I think. (A lucid moment in the dream.) They're men, they're tall and big, why would it take three of them to hold me? But they're kind of weak. It's all show. They're not hurting me but I still don't like this. I don't like being tricked, I don't like being held here against my will. I have no choice. I'm angry, screw them!

They're holding me and one of the beings comes over to me, and presses himself against me, on top of me. It seems sexual and almost like rape, except, it isn't anything physical he wants. We remain clothed, there's no genitalia (I'm not sure they have any) and while it's very much an intrusion, it's not sexual. He doesn't want my body, he wants me - my soul, or ...something.  He presses himself into me, in a sense. Sort of lke a Vulcan mind meld, as silly as that sounds. He's taking something from me, but he's also giving me a bit of something as well.

Then he's done, the others release me, and they're pleased with themselves. Me, I'm still pissed. I don't care if they didn't hurt me, or that Jim is now back, and we can go. I'm angry at the whole thing: the ruse, the assumption they can just take what they want, the lack of communication or explanation, let alone asking permission.

Aftermath
When I told Jim my dream the first thing he said was that "obviously" I was remembering something about that night in West Hollywood. He thinks, as do I, that night was the beginning of our UFO journey.

How much is memory of a real event, how much is my own subconscious creativity and taking from what I know to create something? The event happened at night, yet I dreamt it took place during the day. Uniform clad "aliens," -- MILABS? I mentioned those in a post here the other day; do I think humans were involved in some of this? I don't know. . . I really just do not know. . . is that a memory of a true event, or my fears?

Richard Thomas Interviews Dean Haglund (X-Files, Lone Gunmen)

From June of the year: BoA contributor Richard Thomas interviews Dean Haglund of X-Files and Lone Gunmen. Haglund has interesting things to say about art, the culture's "zeitgeist of the moment," the trivialization of conspiracy theory-theory, Haglund's current projects and a lot more of course, including his thoughts on our world now vs. the world during X-Files days. 


And for more, visit Deanhaglund.com

Old News is No News: Mark Pilkington's Mirage Men

Full disclosure: I haven't read the book.This is not a book review; it's about the idea of the book's premise, from what I've been gleaning so far. From what I've been reading about Pilkington's book Mirage Men, the thesis is that UFOs are creations of our government. There are no "real" UFOs; just machines and stories about encounters made by man to confuse its citizenry and mask secret operations.

This is old news. But beyond this simplistic "revelation" about UFOs is the fact the government has been getting away with murder, both figuratively and literally, using UFOs as a convenient smoke screen. Isn't anyone curious about what's been hidden from us? Put aside "beliefs" about UFOs, they exist, they don't exist, aliens are real, aliens are fantasy -- just forget all that for now. Ask yourselves what is it the government is doing behind those flying saucers are here! scenarios.

A danger with books like this is that the mainstream culture  will think it's been offered an explanation for all those crazy UFO stories, and move on. Even some within the fringes who study UFOs will accept this. Including those "new thugs" that pose as UFO investigators or researchers but are part debunker-skeptic, part dilettante. Meanwhile, the government continues to perform often illegal maneuvers around us, and no one's questioning that. In fact, stepping beyond the line of questioning will get you quickly slapped with a Tin Foil Hat sticker and you're shoved over to the kook side. Mention chemtrails and it's all over.

Okay, Pilkington and fans, UFOs don't exist. Forgetting obviously that UFO means unidentified object and not alien from mars in a flying saucer ... oh never mind. Sigh. Yet we still have, say, spheres showing up in our skies -- these have been photographed dozens of times over -- what are they? Whose are they? What are they doing? What about the video of a sphere I saw years ago, taken by a local witness, that seemed to disappear but upon close examination was till there, merely cloaked to near invisibility? What was the thing spraying onto the residences -- and people! -- below; for spraying some kind of mist like substance it was.  Doesn't anyone want to know about those kinds of things?

Let's take my own missing time experiences, that occurred within a UFO context. And let's say, for argument, that this "UFO context" was government created. If so -- missing time, UFO -- then that means our government was doing something obviously immoral, unethical, and illegal. Which is frightening. For that means, if it's not UFOs, not mental abberation (shared by two people, two and possibly three, different times), then what was it? Why the persistence of a UFO based setting? WHERE WERE WE FOR ALL THOSE MISSING HOURS??!!

But see, now we're entering MILAB territory, which is paranoid kook fringe fantasy, so no one is going to listen to that, because UFOs don't exist, the government just uses that to . . . you see how this all becomes a circling back of absolutely no answers at all, while maintaining cover-ups? In typical cosmic joker trickster fashion, the idea of the government using UFOs as a cover for their shadow projects is a cover for the government's covering up . . . because not many are questioning beyond the initial cover.

"The C Influence: Actualizing Esoteric Discussions"

I've been invited to contribute to a new blog created by Rick Phillips and co-moderated by Bruce Duensing: The C Influence. It's a new direction for me; and I hope I can keep up! The idea is to generate discussions around truly esoteric thought and philosophies. . . a bit difficult to explain, take a look and please leave comments! The general idea is to encourage discussion around "seed posts" by other contributors. Who include: Lesley Gunter, Bruce Duensing, Bruce Duensing, Bruceleeeowe, J.S. Flower, Jeff Behnke , Lon Strickler (of Phantoms and Monsters), Rick Phillips and Tom Colucci.


There is a lot of interesting material up already; hard to choose which way to go, so much I want to delve into. We invite you to visit the blog and please, leave comments!

Terrence McKenna: "Understanding the Universe"

                     "Dryad Materializing," James Rich acrylic on canvas

"You have to take seriously the notion that understanding the universe is your responsibility, because the only understanding of the universe that will be useful to you is your own understanding." ~ Terrence McKenna

The quote if from Daniel Moler's (for Reality Sandwich) article Machine Elves 101, or Why Terence McKenna Matters The article is, as Moler writes, a kind of "Terence for Dummies" includes several good quotes from McKenna.


I've been asked many times why I explore the things I do; why I blog and write about my UFO, anomalous and paranormal experiences, and generally, pursue the esoteric/Fortean realms. This Terrence McKenna quote resonates with me as explanation.

I would just say that "understanding the universe" is an overwhelmingly and very large assumption, and if misunderstood or misinterpreted, may sound ridiculously arrogant. I don't believe I or anyone can presume to understand the universe, as in "Oh! I got it all now!" moment. (Even when we think we've reached those moments of Satori, they soon fade, like a great and very important dream, and we're back to the mundane. . .) (And yet, if we've had those moments, they become a part of us, no matter how hidden away they may end up . . . )  But as a process, a journey for its sake, makes sense to me.

Heceta Head Lighthouse

                      Heceta Head Lighthouse Bed and Breakfast, Florence, Oregon 
                           manipulated photograph/mixed media, Regan Lee 2005 


This is an image of the Heceta Head lighthouse keeper's home in Florence, Oregon. The house is now a bed and breakfast. The lighthouse is available to visit; tours are given. It's a bit of a hike up to the lighthouse but worth it.


The house is said to be haunted. There have been several articles written through the years in both local and national publications on the haunted house. I know a few people who've stayed there who've told me they either felt or saw ghostly type things. 


While I've been to the lighthouse, I haven't been inside the bed and breakfast. Unless you're staying at the inn, you can't go inside just to look around. Which is nice to know; you can't disturb the guests that way. Maybe some day we'll try staying there.


I manipulated the photograph I took using mixed materials: acrylic paint, oil pastels. It's been so long since I took this I'm not sure what camera I used; either a disposable or my Instamatic, which I like to use for some silly reason, even though I have digitals and other cameras.

           Heceta Head Lighthouse, Florence, Oregon, manipulated photograph by Regan Lee

This blue image is of the lighthouse itself. Just a photograph (most likely the same camera was used but as I say, don't remember) that I had fun playing with by altering the color via the computer. 



Never seen a ghost or anything unusual or esoteric when I've been up there, but there's always next time!

New Trickster's Realm and other BoA Columns

Explore the wonders of Binnall of America! Podcasts, forum, and lots of great columns.

My new TR should be up sometime today. This week's article is about the parallels between my orange orb sighting in the 1980s, and the 'Dark Presence' UFO Hunters episode that explored orange (and other colors) orb sightings. These are not "Chinese lanterns," or spirit orbs.

Other items include Richelle Hawks' Medusa's Ladder column; this week Richelle writes about purging of the bookmarks:

Weeding the Bookmarks: Recommended Sites, Essays, and Videos

I've never been good about deleting old emails, files, pictures, bookmarks or anything until it gets to some kind of unholy critical mass, then I purge like crazy. It's getting to be that time with my bookmarks, so I've been going through things clicking on things I haven't seen in years. I've deleted a lot, but rediscovered some things that I put aside to read later, and found some real gems; many are esoteric related, so I thought I'd share some of my favorites.

Below is an eclectic selection of recommended reading and viewing from my forgotten and neglected bookmarks.

Funny Richelle mentions cleaning up bookmarks and emails; I have the same problem, and just a couple of days ago did the same thing with my bookmarks, managing to delete some important ones, like the access link to UFO Mystic. That's what happens when I try to get organized.

Tina Sena, at her Esotericana column, wants to know: Is the Grim Reaper an Extraterrestrial? Something about that; we call the Grim Reaper 'death' but as someone pointed out to me the other day, the GR doesn't kill people, he just takes them away. According to Wikipedia, in some systems the GR is a guide, leading the human away from this mortal life, in others, he causes death.

Ghost on the Stairs?

The two photos are ones I took yesterday of a stairway in a haunted house. The family has lived in this house for years, and just about everyone in the large family, as well as visitors, has experienced something along the haunting variety.

A few years ago, I was on this stairway, walking up towards the door, when I suddenly felt "zapped" like a strong volt of electricity went through me. It was the oddest feeling; I felt very hot, very tingling. I didn't know then that this spot was a particularly active one in the house. I continued into the room, where, after sitting there a few moments, talking with the then occupant of the room, I saw a large swirling white "mist" but thicker, more solid (some have told me since it sounded like it was ectoplasm) start to form. It continued like this, above and behind the person I was talking to until I left about a half hour later.

I didn't go into the room yesterday, (occupant was sleeping)  just took a couple of pics, and saw the ghostly form on the stairs after I uploaded the images. I was hoping to feel that vivid electrical feeling again but didn't feel anything so dramatic. To my surprise I did feel a short burst of coldness at one spot.

There are many different entities in this house. One is a spirit that seems to be interactive. One family member was outside when she heard a male voice say "The water needs changing" meaning, the horse trough needed to be changed, which, when she checked, she found to be the case. She turned around and saw a tall man in a dark duster, or long trench coat type thing, with a cowboy hat. Others in the family have seen this being as well. Suddenly I felt that "buzzy" feeling I get around ghosts; I couldn't see but I could feel him there. I knew he was there with us, just kind of checking in.

The entire road is haunted; stories of other houses with general weirdness, lore about the end of the road and strange goings-ons involving anthropology students abandoning a project in that spot due to ghostly encounters, a haunted cemetery at the top of the road, Native American hunting grounds . . . as to the cemetery, I've been there twice, once during the day, once at night. Both times  I felt very uncomfortable. In fact I admit at night, and I was just in my car, I was pretty horrified and didn't like it one bit. Even during the day it was a bad feeling, particularly in one spot. Jim felt it as well.

I noticed for the first time there are power lines near the top of the road on the road before turning off onto the "haunted" road. I couldn't stop to take a picture of them but I'll try to go back and do so.

I've often commented that I know I have mediumistic abilities; I've never chosen, for whatever reason, to develop. Maybe I'm scared, or just lazy.

Last night I was having some weird and uncomfortable things happen. I call them "psychic postcards" quick images of people and scenes. But last night was a little different; it was one person, just his face and shoulders, and he kept coming. He was in his late thrities, bald, a light blue long sleeved shirt, and very pale. Not a good person. Usually when I open my eyes then close them again they go away, or if I just figuratively shake my head -- my mind -- it goes away. He wouldn't go away. He was not a nice person, he was a creep, dangerous. I knew that if I kept going I would find out more, who he was, where, what he was doing. I didn't want to know.

Bruce Duensing: "Goodbye"

Bruce Duensing at Intangible Materiality had decided to stop blogging. At least for now. I can't speak for him or his experiences and decisions, however I will miss his writing very much. And what he has to say is very interesting, a little startling but nonetheless true in my opinion. I wish Bruce well.

"Dream Academy" Synchronicity and the subconscious

Readers of The Orange Orb know that I post many of my UFO related dreams here. To my surprise, those posts receive a lot of comments and emails. I acknowledge I post those dreams here as a way of trying to discover . . . something . . . about my experiences. My own, free, little therapy blog. But others find something in these posts, as I do in the posts of others who write about their dreams, and other  vague, surreal moments. Mike Clelland's blog, hidden experience, Anya is a Channel, The Secret Sun, among others, discuss dreams, symbols, images as a language connected with the esoteric.  As individual and often just weird these dreams, experiences, or interpretations of seemingly mundane events are, these shared personal landscapes resonate, and often we find bits of synchronicity as well.

This morning, checking one of my favorite Fortean news sites, The Daily Grail, I find the following link: Dream Academy: Secrets of the subconscious unlocked. The article is a bit of a fluff piece and feels the need to add in the skeptic's  admonishments:

Louise Chunn, the editor of Psychologies magazine, said she could imagine dream groups taking off, in much the same way that "today's narcissistic society" is addicted to talking about itself on Twitter. "I can imagine talking about your dreams becoming a trend in the way that people photograph their food. Is this just another way to validate ourselves?" She warned that the upshot could be to leave those with less exciting dreams feeling inadequate.

Some psychologists and psychiatrists worry that dream groups might cause harm if the distressing emotions turned up by the subconscious mind are mistreated. Patrick McNamara, associate professor of neurology and psychiatry at Boston University and author of Nightmares: The Science and Solution of Those Frightening Visions During Sleep, believes that dreams shouldn't be shared with anyone who lacks due regard for their complexity.

But the point of the article is that in the UK, dream groups are popular, and individuals are finding that discussing their dreams in groups is very helpful for them. In some cultures, discussing your dreams is not considered woo or "narcissistic" it just is, an important part of the daily routine.

Not all my dreams are UFO related. I have all kinds of dreams: dreams about obvious anxieties or issues about work, daily life, stress related dreams, weird dreams because I ate too much or not feeling well, fun dreams, silly dreams. When it comes to the UFO dreams, there is the question of intepretation, meaning. Are the dreams somewhat literal, something UFO related trying to get through, or are the symbols and scenarios stand-ins for something else? 

An example: I have a recurring dream that I find myself driving, usually alone, on a narrow, one lane bridge across the ocean. I just find myself in the middle of nowhere, all I can see is water on either side of me, in front of and behind me. The water comes up to the sides of the bridge, very scary. The bridge only has a small and frail rail on either side. It doesn't seem to have any purpose. It wouldn't stop a car from going off the bridge. I'm scared out of my mind because one slip and I'm in this water.  It's all so weird and scary: just one long narrow road on top of the water with no end in sight, no turn around, no signs, nothing.

I've had this dream for years, and still have it. Had one the other night in fact. What completely unglued me a few years ago was, I found myself on this very road! I was completely lost in Portalnd, no idea at all where I was, or going . . . I have no idea how I ended up on this road but there I was, on a narrow road with water all around, no signs, no turn around, no idea where I was going. None of that had to do with UFOs. Just a weird bit of synchronicity. 

Memory is a strange thing. Why do we remember vivid small scenes from childhood, the rest fallen away? What was it about that moment, that's stayed with us for decades, while others seem to leave? And what of the rare "scenes" where you remember, but not sure if it happened? 

image: Henry Fuseli: Nightmare (The Incubus)

Sinister Teddy Bear UFO

Before you get too excited, this is another UFO dream. I understand if you choose to move on.

One of my "dreamscapes" -- coastal town, rural. Jim and I are in the parking lot of a roadhouse type place, not uptown and urban enough for a club, but not just a diner either. Pool, music, dancing, beer, that kind of place. In the parking lot, at night, and enjoying this small coastal-rural kind of place. We're in a nice, comfortable small town place, but just over the hill (s) we can see the city lights of a major metropolitan place. So we're removed from the maddening crowd, yet it does exist. If we want to, which we don't, we can drive an hour or so and be in the big time.

So. In the parking lot, two people come out, friends of ours. (I hesitated mentioning that, in the dream, they were a gay couple. I hesitated because their sexuality doesn't matter, yet it must have been important in my dream-head.  I have two very close friends who have moved to Hawaii; they're gay, and I miss them very much. I consider them both to be true brothers of mine, and when they moved to Hawaii a few years ago I was devastated. I don't know what that has to do with the rest of this dream, but there it is.)  They've lived here a long time, and know all there is to know about the place. I look up at the sky, it is beautiful! Just incredibly beautiful, sparkling, glittering, twinkling stars. White, pale violet, light green and blue hues, just astoundingly wonderful. This too is one of my dreamscapes; the night sky in all her starry wonder.  Not only is it beautiful, full of stars that are alive, but it is very "busy." So much is going on up there!

I turn my attention back to Jim, our friends, the parking lot. Which is fairly empty. Except for a giant teddy bear. Sitting there, by the dilapidated wooden fence, is a dark brown teddy bear. A giant dark brown teddy bear. It's about ten feet high, and about four feet wide. There is something creepy about this. I go over to it, and look at it, look inside it, for I notice the eyes and other little compartments, or windows... lit up a bit from inside.

The two friends tell us it does seem odd, but it's just the bear the town uses in the 4th of July parade every year. For the kids. I say "Well, what is it doing here now; the 4th is over with -- and in the middle of the night, in a roadhouse parking lot?"

This never occurred to them. They agree it is weird. Come to think of it, they're not sure if it's actually ever been in any parade.

"Well, then" one of them offers, "It's some kind of new toy for the kids. A gift from the city, or maybe a promo thing from a toy company."

I peer into the weird little eye slots and other places where a yellowish light barely glows. "I don't think so," I say. "Uh uh. This is no toy." When I say that, the bear moves, jerkily, stiffly, and the lights get brighter. I can tell it is pissed.

"This is no damn toy, it's a UFO!" I say, and the light gets stronger, and the energy from this seeming inanimate object is malevolent. Now everyone is nervous and knows I'm right.

At the moment I noticed the teddy bear is really a UFO in disguise, the sky above gets really busy. Suddenly, there are several dozens of UFOs zeroing in on us. They know we're on to them.

It's become clear that this teddy bear was an attempt on "their" (sigh, aliens I guess) part to sneak into human society. But they didn't get the concept down right. Toy, yes: teddy bear. But they goofed on the other factors, as with the utter high strangeness aspect of a ten foot tall, malevolent teddy bear with glowing eyes in a roadhouse parking lot in the middle of the night.

Now, things are not so good. Everyone is either panicked, or getting there fast. We sense panic from over the hill; everyone, everywhere, is aware something is not right. I'm none too happy about this either and I am nervous, but I'm used to it, been there, done that, is the feeling I have, as well as Jim.

Then I wake up. Not because I wanted to, because of the cats. 

A pattern I've noticed in these UFO dreams of mine: things appear, pretending to be mundane, or "normal" objects, but it is quickly discovered that these things are not what they're pretending to be, and are, instead, UFOs -- as in, flying saucers from outer space with aliens in them. Sometimes it's clear some humans are involved with this: government, psy ops, etc.

I suppose I keep writing about these dreams as one way of getting at things: finding out why both Jim and I have had at least two missing time episodes in relation to UFO experiences, and so much else. Either these scenarios (thing posing as normal: revealed to be UFO, sometimes with human complicity) are realities that I've suppressed, or paranoia. Or a little of both. Or something entirely different.