#Metoo in the Fringe

Not to say males have been notoriously lousy with each other when it comes to UFO Land ... And Beyond! -- but women in this field have also experienced really vile stuff. No, this is not 'old news' --- it's been going on, it  continues to go on.

I've been a feminist since I was fifteen. That's a few months shy of fifty years. Same shit, same shit. More awareness, more men speaking out against misogynist behavior, and yet, still. . . it does goes on. Just because it may not be going 'as much,' (that is sarcasm by the way) or, that many good men are also aware, doesn't mean us women folk have to stop pointing out the obvious.

In this process of speaking out, is accountability. And it seems to be, that many have been given a huge pass in this field. Stalking, lies, name calling, threats, calling to question a woman's mental stability, her sexuality (real or imagined), and more,is a huge NOT OKAY. And yet, when these behaviors have been blogged about, discussed, pointed out, the ones responsible for these behaviors go on about their business. They still blog, post on Facebook -- oh, now under their 'real names' so that makes it okay. As if their previous behavior was simply a creative exercise in Anomalous Street Theater -- they get invited to speak at UFO conferences, their work is published, men and women (sigh) support them.

Yes, woman are more present and vocal in this field. All the time. And there have always been some women in this field. I'm not talking so much here as to the number of women in this field, but the behavior directed towards them, as well as the lack of accountability.

One more point: I've had some women say to me in various anomalous fields -- Bigfoot research, etc. -- that they've never had any problems at all.  As if this somehow diminishes, or dismisses completely, the experiences of those who have  encountered such behaviors from males. This is not an argument, or, a contest. If we can't extend respectful listening and non-defensive responses to our sisters, then how can we expect researchers to be respectful and non-judgemental to witnesses?

Updated: Missing Time DreamTiny UFO Synchronicities of the Day

Posted below yesterday. Last night, had a disturbing dream of being at work; but I was late in returning from lunch. Three hours late. In the dream, I had absolutely no memory of what had happened. I didn't know where I was during those three hours. I told co-workers I was very concerned, missing time -- scary! Was I losing my mind? Slowly, other co-workers came forward, to say they too had had missing time in the past day or two. They did not know where they had been, what happened. Someone mentioned "aliens" and we all fell silent. No one wanted to open up that can of worms. None of us solved the mystery of the missing time.

________________________________

Nothing much, but the ever attuned mystic-synchro mind couldn't help but note that today:

     Woke up with a nosebleed. Me, at 64. Used to get them all the time when I was a child. But now?
     Nothing so sinister, alien wise. Far more likely that the nosebleed had to do with allergies. Which are really bad, worse than usual, in the "Valley of Sickness" here in the Willamette Valley in Oregon. And in fact, a co-worker had a nosebleed recently, as well as a fifth grader. This morning's local paper even had an article on the bad allergy laden air around these parts.


     Chatting with a co-worker on the way in this morning; we mentioned our sleep and dream patterns, etc. and she says "I've had dreams about aliens, but they're just dreams. At least I tell myself that." (paraphrasing.) So I of course say "Are you sure they're just dreams?" and "How do you know?" (they're just dreams.) I tell her we have to talk; she tells me she's not sure she believes in aliens, and yet, but, . . . I tell her about how "I'm all about that stuff!" and she seemed interested.

     Late this afternoon, my spouse mentions the Monk episode of the UFO. As much as we are fond of that show, when it came to UFOs, oh, it's sad. Typical take on the tin foil hat wearing joke heads who "believe" in UFOs. And oh, yes, the "UFO" turned out not to be a UFO at all, of course. Because there are not such things.

(Update) From My UFO Journal: 1988 - Lobster Baby

In the 1980s I kept a UFO journal. Following my orange orb sighting, it seemed all kinds of UFO related events were taking place around me. Also psychic experiences, synchroniciites. Things have since calmed down a lot since that time (and I've wondered if age has anything to do with this.)

The following is from the journal, with a few comments I've added for clarity.

1988, Eugene, OR:

I had coffee with "Sheila." Sheila had a story to tell me. (I don't remember who "Sheila" was -- a co-worker? I think.) Sheila, involved with many contactees, occasionally gives workshops on the "UFO thing" as she put it. Her story: one night, a woman called her, saying she felt very ill. So ill, she was taken to the hospital's ER. She was told she was pregnant. This woman said that was impossible; no sex, no partner, etc. For weeks, this woman felt ill.

During a check-up visit, she was told she was no longer pregnant. She had no memory of a miscarriage, just that lingering feeling of being "ill."

After this, she started hearing voices, seeing "little gray men" and hearing a baby cry. The gray beings were in her living room, and the "Lobster Baby" as she called it, was also in the living room. The beings told her she wasn't ready yet to handle any of this. She had the intense feeling this lobster baby was hers, but "they" took it.

This woman told Sheila she was very frightened, of course, and afraid she was going crazy. Supposedly, she told Sheila, she was unfamiliar with abduction and UFO stories.

Sheila is trying to arrange for me to meet this woman, but so far, nothing.

__________________________

I never did meet this woman. Of course, I have no idea what really was happening here. Her description of "little gray men" is interesting, as the lost pregnancy and "lobster baby." 

A waking dream? Cover story for some sort of trauma? A retelling of a literal experience? Something in the middle? 

A few things I know for sure, but even so, no answers. Other, similar narratives exist in UFO lore. Changlings,mysterious pregnancies that disappear just as mysteriously. "Little gray men." And the fact that, immedialtey following my orange orb sighting and continuing for years, so many synchroniciites concerning UFO experiences that it makes my head spin.

Brene Brown: "Stories are data with a soul."

"Stories are data with a soul." ~ Brene Brown


Ms. Brown has nothing to do with UFO or fringe research. She describes herself as a "storyteller researcher" (or researcher storyteller) in social work. Brilliant and funny and very important, but for completely different reasons having nothing to do with the weird world of All This Stuff.

But her quote about stories as data had me thinking about the value of witnesses stories about their sightings and experience. I think we tend to listen, then go off in a quest to delve, research, dissect the story, leaving the witness in the dust, and getting rid of the parts that don't match our ideas about What Is Really Going On. Reptilians? Go away. It's messy!!!! Crazy messy.

But we need to calm down and get over ourselves as oh-so-serious-bona-fide UFO researchers and listen.



Brown talks about vulnerability. She went in search of it; what is it in the character that makes someone intentionally vulnerable? Willing to be vulnerable. Certainly witnesses to the fantastic make themselves vulnerable every time they tell their story.

I'm open. I've discussed my most strange paranormal/supernatural life in detail all over the place. Why? Not for money, that's for damn sure. I've put myself out there and have been threatened and stalked. Accused of lying, being a man (?!), wanting to be a man, trying to sound like a man (again: ???!!!), being Jewish, gay, not using my real name, threatened with rape, and violence -- specifically, stabbing me with a knife. All because I've experienced the weird and talk about it. And damn well fight back when accused of devious motives. Those from ones who cannot allow themselves to be vulnerable.

That is vulnerable. That is telling my story.

By telling my story, I connect. Not with everyone, not with the majority, not with the mainstream or accepted topics of conversation. But when I do connect, I connect. I continuously find myself engaging with others with similar interests and experiences. Often surprising connections. 

That's the point of Brown's TED talk: connecting. We're connected. Being vulnerable causes our connections to be authentic.

It's also messy, what with lairs, hucksters, unbalanced (even there, though, showing a vulnerability grown forth from a trauma), and so on. So what it's messy? A lot more work, but, there it is.

Channeling/Possessed by Mom's Spirit

I have had hundreds of psychic episodes in my life. I've seen, heard and felt ghosts -- their presence. Felt their energy, their personality. Received images, and experienced all kinds of communications via dreams and OOBEs. (Out of body experiences.) I've seen UFOs, and encountered entities. I seem to go into a mild trance/channel mode when I read cards for others. But I have never experienced the following, not until my mother passed away a year ago.

I've experienced the following only twice. The first time was a couple of weeks after my mom died. I was at my sister's, at the home where my mom spent the last four years of her life, and my sister took care of. The other experience happened last night.

What happened was brief, yet incredibly intense. Both times I made a motion, a movement, a facial expression, that was "mom's." We all have those habits, micro-expressions, sayings, that we unconsciously inherit from our parents. Many times I'll say or do something that is "just like" my father or mother. But on these two occasions, it was much more.

Both times, when I made I was no longer me. At all. My mother was inside me. She had entered me -- it was her that was present, even if briefly. I cannot describe this yet in an articulate way. But it was so damn weird and different. I have never had anything pass through me like that. The closet I came to experiencing something similar was when I was walking through a home that was haunted. I suddenly felt an intense, burning heat "beam" go right through me. But even that was something that passed through. With my mother, she took over. 
a quick movement or expression that my mom would make,

Aliens and Ghosts: An Update to Medium Amy Allen's Encounters

I recently posted here at the Orb that medium Amy Allen has occasionally come across aliens during her investigations into haunted places. 

The most recent encounter with aliens -- yes, as in ET -- had allen commenting on a portal that has "been there forever," and describing some of the alien entities as insectoid, which a sketch drew for her.

Looking through my notes, I realized I had missed two very interesting comments by Allen during that episode. One, during her walk through, she commented that the paranormal activity was ". . . an alien type possession."
The other, that part of this alien (not ghostly) activity was ". . . possibly an experiment."

Clowns Just Want Some Love; Fear, Dislike, and a Catalina Island Memory

It’s the worst time in history to be a clown. They just want you to love them again. - The Washington Post: “There’s no secret that clowning is taking a hit. It’s not something new,” former Ringling clown and International Clown Hall of Fame founder Greg DeSanto offered in his keynote address to the 36th annual convention, a tribute to Ringling Bros. “The kitsch thing to say is ‘I’m afraid of clowns.’ What do you think I’m going to do? Make you laugh?”

Washington Post reports on the current reputation of clowns. (thanks to Tim Binnall for tweeting about this article.)

Clowns go back a long way in human culture. Humans dressed to stand out, and act out, in ways we can't during our mundane existence. Already an inversion -- and the darker, creepier side of clowning is just another inversion. Everything has a dark side.


I disagree with Clown Hall of Fame founder Greg DeSanto, who is quoted above -- that it is "kitsch" to say one is afraid of clowns. I'm not afraid of clowns. (Unless, of course, a scary psycho murdering clown along the lines of American Horror pops up in my bedroom at three a.m.) I don't like clowns. There's a difference.


I understand the idea behind clowns, it's just that I find the whole thing forced, and there's a hint of frenetic sleazy shenanigans surrounding everything I can't get past. I find clowns suspicious.

There's always been the darker side, from the chain smoking surly malcontent hanging out by the tent in his long underwear and streaky clown face, to the above mentioned serial killer clown.

However, my husband and I both remember Cappy the Clown. (Jim Natarno.) My husband's brother worked for him for a short time. Cappy was a good person, who had a sad childhood in some ways.  My memories of Cappy are good ones; as a child, we were entertained by him on the boat ride to Catalina Island. I wasn't afraid then, nor had dislike. Or suspicion. (Here's a nice memory of the same boat to Catalina, and Cappy. While the author doesn't have a particularly good memory of Cappy, it's still a nice piece.)

My personal feelings towards clowns now probably come from a lot of sources. My father's memories of being in the Tom Mix circus were not pleasant ones. I've had literal run-ins with rude, harassing clowns. (Maybe because it's just Eugene, who knows.)  I don't like circuses -- or zoos -- it seems weird to me that we're supposed to find something funny while you hear the roaring of captive big cats

in the background.

Clowning takes on different aspects; people dress up as something other, representing exaggeration, humor, absurdity. Liberating at times, scary at others. Often little kids are terrified of a costumed human acting silly and crazy around them.


Everything has its other side. The dark and secret shadow that is always there. Clowns aren't any different.

And Now, REAL Kangaroos in Wyoming

While tales of phantom animals are a part of anomalist lore, the following is of actual kangaroos in Wyoming.

First 90 Kangaroos released in Wyoming - Buckrail, Jackson Hole News: Dubbed “Project Sage Hopper” by the WWGD team responsible for evaluating the viability of Wyoming’s habitat for Australian marsupials, it has been in the planning stages for 3 years. The goal is two-fold: Create new and interesting wildlife viewing opportunities for tourists, and in several years, potentially provide additional hunting opportunities.

 Horrible, terrible, and sad.

And, fortunately, an April Fools joke.

What's interesting is that many believed this, including me, when I saw it on Facebook. The last sentence in the article, which informs us that future plans included releasing wallabies, koalas, and the "endangered tasmanian devil" was suspicious, confirming my sense that this is a joke, and of course, it is.  Nothing surprises me anymore, not since the last presidential election and our current living in crazy town antics, so it's easy to understand how one could think this is true, at least for a few moments.

Score: The Day the Earth Stood Still

The fantastic score by composer Bernard Hermann to The Day the Earth Stood Still. (The original, not the remake.) Love it.



I was reminded of this score as I was listening to Greg Bishop on Coast to Coast last night. Fun interview. I like Bishop's take on things UFO and generally anomalist, which is, we don't know anything for sure, in regards to what, who, or why "it" or "they" are. You have to be willing to change your mind, and be open.



Which seems obvious.

Amy Allan: Mediums, Ghosts and Aliens

The Dead Files medium, Amy Allan, mainly communicates with once human spirits. Sometimes entities, shape shifters, energies that were once human but became . . . something else. But a few times, (a very few times) Allan has come across aliens, as in ET.

A recent episode of The Dead Files had Amy Allan going about a haunted location, encountering the usual spirits of the dead. But she also encountered insecticide alien type beings.

"So it's an alien…" restates her husband, who accompanies Allen on her sessions.
"Yes." She continues: "…Theses things are bad . .  . torturing children. . . "

They're described by Allan as "small, gargoyle, dragon type creatures."

On the property under investigation in this episode, Allan came across a portal where these creatures come from. This portal has been here ". . . since the be inning of time." These entities are clearly aliens, Allan makes it clear. Some of the aliens are large, the largest having "bulbous eyes" and "daddy long liege arms."

"They enter people's dreams," Amy says. She goes on to say that the dreams are not literally dreams, but really happening in another dimension.

The aliens are doing their thing amongst other spirits, including ghosts/energies of humans who have passed. As I've often wondered, are the aliens and spirits aware of each other? Both categories of entities interact with the living, but what are the dynamics of these energies in the ether, or astral, or whatever name we want to give the non-mundane realm?

alienviews: UFOs, Internets, And Boundaries

Alfred Lehmberg, one of the few people out there writing about All This Stuff that makes us think. Sadly, Lehmberg is still unappreciated -- a lot of people mock him (because they don't get it) some harass him, others ignore. I think the latter is the worst.  It's not just about specific cases and events, but a meta view of It All. And yet, with some exceptions, most of us don't go deeper. Until we go deeper while at the same time go around, and out, we won't get much in terms of The Big Answer. Anyway, here's a quote and a link so follow it:

alienviews: UFOs, Internets, And Boundaries: Lost balls in the tall grass, ourselves, and at a total loss as to what UFOs are then, we can at least know what they do! What they do is embarrass science and give it a systemic wedgie. There's your cut to the chase. (Alfred Lehmberg)

Why Roswell IS Important

Nick Redfern has a couple of new pieces at Mysterious Universe on the possibility that what crashed at Roswell was not a UFO full of ETs, but a human engineered event.

Roswell is important because: we need to find out what happened. What really happened.

 "...no-one in Ufology should want any case to be this or that." Nick Redfern (on a FB post.)

No matter what Roswell turns out to be, it's important. Obviously, if what happened at Roswell was really a crashed flying saucer from outer space full of aliens, that's hugely important. Shattering, life changing.

But, it might not be that. It's at this point many give up. They either continue to cling to the ET explanation, or, walk away out of frustration. For the former, Redfern's point about not wanting any particular UFO case to be "this or that" will be ignored. Unfortunately, the latter will also be ignored. But the fact that Roswell wasn't a UFO related incident isn't sad news. It doesn't mean the case is closed on UFOs and they don't exist after all. Roswell isn't any golden key that unlocks the mystery. No case is.

But Roswell is important either way. If not aliens, then the possibility that humans intentionally created an event using human test subjects is also huge. And shattering. We should care about that. We should be angry at that. We should call out Roswell for what being another covert action, covered up by our government, using humans as fodder for experiments, and spreading disinformation among the public for decades.

I'd say that's very important.

I don't know if Nick is right or not. Either way, ET or human made, something happened at Roswell that deserves more than the 'true believer' response, as well as the jaded and bored so what response.

Journaling Animal Dreams, Tracking Connections (and a Boy Chicken)

Jim mentioned awhile ago that I dream a lot about animals. He finds this unusual. He also has an active dream life, but doesn't dream about animals that much. I don't know if it's unusual or not, but I do dream a lot about animals, both real and imaginary.

I'm inspired once again to start an animal journal. About five years ago I started one, but it wasn't just about animal dreams, but all things to do with animals, all the little synchronicities. Writing in the journal became a big job, including all those things. It didn't last long.

This time I'm sticking to animal dreams.

I've also been thinking of my fascination with animal stories, particularly the stranger ones. That comes from having a Fortean leaning towards life. I posted here a while ago that a professor of mine wanted to know what I was planning to do with my collection of interesting and unusual animal stories. I didn't know. I'm still not sure, but I think it's a start to finding out … something.

I am beginning to believe that animals, as guides and messengers, have a lot to do with this journey.

And now, here's a dream about a chicken:

I'm in the backyard of our house, and alongside the bedroom window (where, on the other side, is our bed, and this location outside the window seems to be one for animals in other dreams) is a penned in area with chickens. One of these chickens is a male. Not a rooster. But a male. Only a chicken. It's very clear in the dream this is a chicken, but a male chicken. He's big and fluffy and very sweet. 

All the chickens are asleep. They're on their sides, on the ground, and at the end of this line of cuddled together sleeping chickens, is a large, sleeping raccoon. I'm very worried at first this raccoon will eat the chickens, but he means no harm, he just wants to get warm. I wonder if I shouldn't cover the chickens, (and the raccoon) so they don't get cold. But I'm worried they won't be able to breathe. 

I try to give the male chicken away. I'm not sure why, I like him, it's just weird. But all my neighbors who have chickens have plenty of chickens and they don't want him. They like him and find it interesting I have a male chicken -- it's not they find him ugly or digesting, they just don't have room.
So I keep him. 

Later, in front of the house, and looking up at the night sky, my husband and I and others see a flock of beautiful birds. At first, only I see can see the birds. I'm surprised no one can see them, because they're huge. The size of prehistoric birds. They remind me of the Phoenix, but they're Phoenixes. They have delicate, long wings and tails. Their wings and tails are ruffled at the edges, and these are transparent. It turns out the birds have been there all along, but no one's bothered to really look. They are beautiful. I wonder if they're even "real" -- they're really there, but if they're not of another dimension, or reality. Or planet, even. Something. 

I haven't explored this dream yet to figure out it's meaning. Or, it could just be the effects of a few days of cold medication and disrupted sleep.
But this is the first entry in my animal dream journal nonetheless.

Cosmic Parasite

My spouse and I were discussing that thing within all of us, that is not "us" but an intentional energy that messes with our heads and always in negative ways. Sometimes comically yet irritating ways, and all the way down to the truly harmful. Even fateful.

Those memories that suddenly disappear, losing the thought when in deep discussion, hassles when trying to meet up with others when it comes to discussing these topics.

We then got inspired and decided to write something about this. I don't know what Jim's come up with yet. Here's what I wrote:


The worm within

Cosmic parasite lives within
not us, not of us
but an invader
interloper
interferes
steals memory
injects self-abuse
blocks us from our thoughts

The religious call it Satan, demon, the Devil
others, Djinn, maybe…
the humanists, our Jungian selves fighting shadows
and the hard-assed skeptics pronounce over-imaginative minds
as the cause

A literal alien from outer space? something more metaphysical
a worm from the ether, indeed
eating memories and sloughing off intents
its origins unknown
dwelling deep with us.

The Mom Who Wasn't, and Other Memories

Salvador Dali, The Persistence of Memory

Memories are strange things. Why do some stand out, even after decades? Memories of trauma,(or happiness)  it makes sense to remember,  but memories that don't seem to have anything painful attached that remain burned into the mind - - that seems odd.

Two memories stay with me, more than fifty years later. The first is traumatic, because I remember the emotional pain as well as the intense confusion. The second memory doesn't carry anything unusual, yet the image remains.

I'm in pre-school, maybe kindergarten. Page School in Los Angeles. It's time to go home, and for some reason, I'm in the bathroom. White tiles, stalls, windows high up on the walls. I'm not allowed to leave the bathroom -- don't know why -- and I see my mother standing in the doorway. She's wearing a sleeveless plaid dress, and white framed sunglasses. Just standing there. Something about a pool as well. I'm crying and screaming my head off, because I want to go to her. A couple of teachers are telling me she's not my mom. I don't understand this at all. This woman, who is silent, standing there, with her huge wrap around dark sunglasses in white frames, is my mother! She's wearing the same dress, has the same hair color and style, same sunglasses. I'm hysterical and can't stop screaming and crying.
After all this goes on, I'm outside (again, by a pool, but I don't know if this is true thing or a weird 'mis-memory.') My "real" mom shows up. Same dress, glasses, hair, and she is happy to see me of course. I don't understand why she doesn't mention what happened just a few minutes ago. Why she doesn't mention my crying, or her in the doorway, seemingly uncaring and oblivious.

The second memory is one I've written about before.

I'm about the same age as the first memory. No older than five. Walking with my grandmother (mother's mother) in a large room, white tiles, glass brick windows or walls, glass cases, and clocks. Clocks everywhere. Where is this place, what is this place?

That's all I remember. Why does this postcard image stand out in my mind?

Neither of these memories have anything to do with UFOs, the astral, or supernatural. But they are strange, in their persistence.